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Literature Text
An aesthetic confusion would leave you
stranded in attraction and at a loss;
each glance in the right direction gave pause.
You thought the only way out was through
the maze most traveled, avoiding the new.
Self-awareness became your rebel’s cause;
though you were afraid to break social laws,
you saw Them and wanted to be Them too.
When you mistook me for a fairer kind,
new conclusions formed quickly enough;
you preferred my flat-chestedness instead.
The simplest thoughts can change conflicted minds,
and show the ways we’re diamonds in the rough;
because the best things are all in our heads.
stranded in attraction and at a loss;
each glance in the right direction gave pause.
You thought the only way out was through
the maze most traveled, avoiding the new.
Self-awareness became your rebel’s cause;
though you were afraid to break social laws,
you saw Them and wanted to be Them too.
When you mistook me for a fairer kind,
new conclusions formed quickly enough;
you preferred my flat-chestedness instead.
The simplest thoughts can change conflicted minds,
and show the ways we’re diamonds in the rough;
because the best things are all in our heads.
Literature
History Burning
the trick is
to make all believe they inheret a
world all their own
remember to erase the words of the
deceased until
death never existed
and put corpses unburied
into neat containers
under every floor
to lock them up tight is
critical;
panic is the plague in this age
and is it any wonder they forget
with puppet parents
who burn books at christmas?
Literature
turning five into four.
i. gregory,
with his sun-kissed skin & microscopic eyes,
knows not to don rachel's rose-coloured glasses
or take her reality classes.
although he is swimming in disbelief,
he can't help feeling like he's mourning
something that he's not yet lost.
ii. rachel's forte was never gardening.
her family tree could rain its leaves all day
but she will not be the rake, clawing
its way through the earth
to neatly bundle a bouquet;
she can not see ian's pleas
through a rose lens with embers in her eyes.
iii. ian is not afraid to get his hands dirty.
if an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind,
then maybe rachel was the sacrifice,
& he will not h
Literature
A History
Before Uruk and the fear of dust, when raven would reincarnate anguish into innocence, the oceanic justicier wove the fish-tales theogonous and we matched the scales. But nightly the tributaries wove, unnoticed, and the skein thickened and coagulated; and when the carrion-knights' took to wing and left the fabric entattered: men found stone, stone became pinnacle, and there were rumblings in the deep.
Early summer's afternoon: on the bus, the boy sings a song in every language. Older kids, at the back, laugh, &, O bitter reminiscence, he appreciates their warmth. One joins him, a rarity – "hey… did you make up all of those words yo
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Alt. title: (Mis)taken.
You may have noticed that this looks quite a bit different from what I usually write. I've been meaning to do a little bit of fixed-form poetry, and I have LindenLixr to thank for suggesting that I write an Italian Sonnet! It was really interesting and fun, I've gotta say. Italian sonnets have far more restrictions than I'm used to: a fixed rhyme scheme– except the last six lines where there are several you can choose from, (iambic) pentameter, and most interestingly, the form requires that the first eight lines present a problem, and the last six solve it. This likely won't be too great a poem since I'm new to this style, but it was fun to write, and I will probably revisit it. Shame there're no guidelines for titles, since this was actually quite hard to name.
Comments are welcome and very super appreciated since this is new ground for me.
And since, on top of my eternal gratitude, I also said I'd give a little feature to anybody who suggested a poetry form, here is some of
's art. She takes pictures and writes racy poetry/prose, some of which you'll now see below:
And finally, to give credit where it's due: lines 9 and 11 were inspired by/taken from Seabed by JakesException.
You may have noticed that this looks quite a bit different from what I usually write. I've been meaning to do a little bit of fixed-form poetry, and I have LindenLixr to thank for suggesting that I write an Italian Sonnet! It was really interesting and fun, I've gotta say. Italian sonnets have far more restrictions than I'm used to: a fixed rhyme scheme– except the last six lines where there are several you can choose from, (iambic) pentameter, and most interestingly, the form requires that the first eight lines present a problem, and the last six solve it. This likely won't be too great a poem since I'm new to this style, but it was fun to write, and I will probably revisit it. Shame there're no guidelines for titles, since this was actually quite hard to name.
Comments are welcome and very super appreciated since this is new ground for me.
And since, on top of my eternal gratitude, I also said I'd give a little feature to anybody who suggested a poetry form, here is some of
's art. She takes pictures and writes racy poetry/prose, some of which you'll now see below: BoundBlack rope bound her still
Good girl kneeling before Him
Waiting patiently
And finally, to give credit where it's due: lines 9 and 11 were inspired by/taken from Seabed by JakesException.
Comments10
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactHello! My apologies for the delay in giving you this critique, but I'm here from <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/l/a/l…" alt="
" title="lacoterie" /> and that doesn't make me any less enthusiastic to read your poem. First, I like that you ventured out from what you normally do into something like and Italian Sonnet. I rarely see—or write myself—any type of fixed poetry on DeviantART. It can add some really cool challenges and wordings to a poem that a free-verse can't. Also, the idea of taking lines from another artist is pretty neat. It's like the DA bases for literature. I would keep up these cute little ideas because they really make the poem all that more special.
One thing I want to look at and is more of a question is the placement of using, “Them.” It's capitalized, so I'm assuming it's a person or a name. I'm not sure if this is something which was there for name or aesthetic reasons and I would like a bit more context on that. I would, if not a name, italicize this in the poem. I feel that it has something of great importance. It's your rising action in this story and I think with a few more sprinkles it will be even more climactic.
Otherwise I love the passion in this, the vocabulary choices of, “aesthetic, confusion, attraction, flat-chestedness” and so forth make this all the more special. If feels finished, complete—it's a single thought. You have a real knack for writing poems it seems and I hope you keep on keeping on!
Happy writing,
Naktarra