literature

Full Circle

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Literature Text

“Can’t you go on your own?” 

“That’s not the point, James.  You’ve got to get used to the way things are now; I know it’s tough, but it’ll only get harder the longer you wait, and it’s already been months.

This argument was nothing new, but Adam doubted he’d ever get used to it.  Ever since the Surveillance Revolution ended in Canada, a new, exasperating paranoia had taken hold of some of the more fragile youth: they were afraid to be out of sight.  Before the Pan-American Surveillance Agency was dissolved, their main line of propaganda defense had been to assure the public that their programs were in everyone’s best interest: because how else could they catch the bad guys?  They didn’t catch them, of course.  Not really.  Not the valuable ones.  But when you’re young and Stranger Danger feels as real as ever, the idea of having somebody always watching your back was comforting– pathologically so, some would learn. 

“Invisibility is Vulnerability, though, remember?”  James’ leg shook more violently than ever. 

“You won’t be invisible, I’ll be right there.  Besides, those lines were all bullshit.  The Surveillance Agencies didn’t care about us.  I used to work for one, before things got out of hand, and even by the time I left, it had long since been about protecting people.  Just please come with me.  It isn’t far.”  Persuading his nephew to accompany him on such trivial errands as getting more milk wasn’t Adam’s ideal afternoon pastime, by any means, but he loved the kid well enough, and he knew that this was exactly why James’ parents had chosen him to look after the anxious youth.

“Can I bring my phone?”  They both knew that compromise was the only way they’d get out the door, so Adam’s sigh of resignation was as expected as it was relieving. 

“Alright.  You can video-call my laptop and take the phone with you.  Only for the way there, though; once we get to the store, you’ll have to turn it off.  All right?”  James looked hesitant, as always, but a near-imperceptible nod was all Adam needed to know that they were all right.  “We can talk the whole way, so you won’t even notice anything’s different.  Be sure to bring your coat, it’s cold out there today.”

So it was that the two, having taken the less-than-necessary precautions, headed out to face the newly camera-free world that James was struggling to call home.  “You said you used to work for one of the Agencies?  Why would you quit?” 

Adam knew that this would be coming, since his earlier admission was something he had kept largely secret, and hadn’t spoken a word of to James before.  “It was a long time ago; I was only a few years older than you, actually.  I won’t bore you with a history lesson you’ve already learned, but after the corrupt P-ASA was disbanded under the Gladstone administration, private investigation agencies were quick to buy up the technology they left behind, and fill up the vacuum the Dismissal left.  I was a big player in one of the more benevolent groups, and we really did some good.  More than law enforcement could be trusted to do.  But nothing good can last, and eventually they got greedy.  Started working with the wrong people, for all the wrong reasons.  Once I found out what they’d been getting into, I left as soon as I could.  It wasn’t for quite a while after that the Revolution really started, but it was worth the wait.”  Adam looked disturbed and relieved at once, having shared his (very) abridged story.  “We’re almost there, see?” 

James lifted his gaze from his phone to the comforting sight of their destination.  “So you really think this is better?  For there to be no way for them to keep track of us?”  This was new ground for their talks, and Adam had to hold back a look of surprise. 

“I really do.  It’s all good in principle, but I’ve seen more clearly than most that those technologies have way too much potential for abuse.  Even if invisibility is vulnerability like they said, I’m happy to compromise for the right to privacy.” 

They’d been walking for some time now, and as they approached the store, James made good on his promise and handed the phone over to his uncle, with a new appreciation he didn’t know he could muster under such nerve-wracking conditions. 

“Hello, gentlemen!  It’s been a while.”  The manager was as welcoming as ever, and Adam was glad to have brought James to a friendly place on their outing.  Was.

As they approached the counter, the pair noticed a television that hadn’t been there before, with two very familiar-looking people on screen.  They both let out a sigh.

I know this is probably definitely not as good as my poetry, but theWrittenRevolution's June prompt: June Prompt: Fear of the PlanetOur last month's prompt, A Difference You Don't Know About had three entries. :la: here they are!

The winner of the 100 points is Sollenius, thanks to all who participated! Your deviations were beautiful to read, especially given the prompt we had last month.
The tiny little bit of inspiration
In a world where war, famine, and disease seem to be around every corner now, just waiting to annihilate the human race, is it any wonder many of us live our lives in fear and distress, or live our lives in intentional ignorance or denial of the impending doom? There are just so many bad things that could hit us, our country, our loved ones in distant countries... how can we not be afraid of them?
The Prompt
Write from the perspective of one (or several) who -- as Dickens put it -- "fears the world too muc
caught my imagination, and I figured now is as good a time as any to attempt prose.  Basically, the prompt was to write a story about someone who's "afraid of the world," and it can't be in this generation: it needs to be either in the past or future.  As you can see, I chose the future.  I also took one of the bonus challenges, which was to have the object of the character's fear be invisible.  The word count is 800, which is exactly the upper limit.  Even keeping to that was a challenge, though, which I'm sure says more about my lacking fiction skills than the limit itself.

As for the theme, I thought it could be cool to portray the polar opposite of the current fears brought on by surveillance agencies like the NSA, by fast-forwarding to a world where they've gained entirely too much power, and then lost it.  There is a lot of history that I left out to keep it within the word limit, so I may expand on this world/theme in the future.

Anyway, yeah, comments and feedback are welcome and super appreciated, especially since this is pretty far outside my comfort zone.

Extra love if you answer one or more of these questions, but you obviously don't have to:

:bulletgreen: How were the characters and their development?
:bulletblue: How was the plot in terms of pacing and just general development?
:bulletpurple: How was the dialogue?
:bulletyellow: Was anything about the story too unclear?
Comments8
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love-the-name-lily's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

Since I am having way to much time anyway I will try my hand at writing a review ^^ Let see. Hmm I will just start by answering you questions.

1 How were the characters and their development?
The characters where fine, but I at first I thought james was only a little boy, between 7 and 10 maybe and not like I saw in the comments 17. So that could be a bit more clear. Also I don't think he acts like a 17 year old boy. Otherwise the characters were fine. I could make a pictures of them in my head and the way they reacted was completely normal.

2 How was the plot in terms of pacing and just general development?
The pacing was just fine. I could keep up with it with no problem at all.

3 How was the dialogue?
The dialogue was alright. Not bad, but not really good as well. Just normal I guess <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="=)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="390" title="=) (Smile)"/>. I have read better, but also much worse. I can't really tell way I feel this way, I guess it is mostly inexperience. But still good though <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="=)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="390" title="=) (Smile)"/>

4 Was anything about the story too unclear?
I did not really got the setting. Maybe one or two more lines with some dates or years or so in them would help. But I got enough if the story to follow easily. I also think this comes form the fact that you had only 800 words.

So than about the ratings:

Vision: I am not really sure about vision for a text, but I could see the scenery before my eyes well enough.
originality: well I am sorry to say, but it feels a bit like a dystopia and those are really popular lately so only 3 stars for that one. The subject you chose is kinda original.
Technique: Well my don't know much about this, so I just have you 3 and a half star and hope you are happy with that <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/r/r…" width="15" height="15" alt="=P" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="397" title="=P (Razz)"/>
Impact: I really liked it and will certainly remember this story for some time.

Hopefully you can so something with this <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="=)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="390" title="=) (Smile)"/>